Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Review- Lois Lenz, Lesbian Secretary by Monica Nolan

Lois Lenz, Lesbian Secretary
by Monica Nolan
Aug 2007
Lesbian/humor/ pulp-1950’s
256 pgs.- Kensington

Buy it Amazon, B&N

Wild Women! Lurid Adventures! Shocking Desires! And A Lot Of Filing.

The story your mother never told you--printed here for your own good.

Lois Lenz was like any other wholesome former cheerleader with a knack for office skills--until she took a job at Sather & Sterling in bustling Bay City. Spending her days in the cut-throat typing pool and her nights at the all-women's residence of Magdalena Arms, Lois had no idea she was entering a world of working girls whose passionate desires--and fabulous fashion sense--could lead any innocent lamb astray...

Netta--serious and smart, she's unlike any woman Lois has known...

Maxie--The height of society fashion, and girls are so very in style...

Pamela--Lois's old high school Pep Squad pal certainly has changed...

Miss Gill--the office manager has secrets and plenty of file cabinets to keep them in...

Dolly--an actress whose martini shaker is as busy as her love life...

Mrs. Pierson--"The hyena," Lois's boss, her office is a place of hard work and private dictation...
And many more!

Lois Lenz--she was a good girl a long way from home about to discover that not everything is what it seems, navy is a bad suit choice, and love can bloom in the strangest of places...


I’ve been so bored lately with the books I’ve started reading, tired of the usual erotica, or common lesbian story lines and have wanted to read something completely different. When I saw the title and cover of this book, I knew I had to read it. I was hoping it’d be campy, retro, and humorous and it didn’t disappoint at all. It was a blast reading this book. It’s light, slightly irreverent and honors lesbian pulp of the 50’s.

From the book cover: Her soul was pure, Her desires were sinful, Her typing was impeccable. Buwahaha! I’m sorry, but this totally grabbed me.

Have any of you seen the spoof movie The Brady Bunch Movie? The movie pulls the Brady family out of the 70’s and places them into the 90’s. The family still act as if they are living in the 70’s and their cluelessness and naiveté about how things are in the 90’s makes for funny moments. This is how Lois Lenz comes across in this book. Like she’s from the 50’s but was dropped into later times, although the story and other characters are in the 50’s. Written in 2007, this story is both a spoofy take on 50’s pulp fiction, as well as the popular beliefs at that time.

It’s 1957 and Lois and her best friend Faye, the most popular girl in school, are graduating from high school. From a small town called Walnut Grove, they are fairly naïve about the ways of the world. Both girls have been practicing kissing with each other so they can be better experienced with the boys. But Lois rather enjoys these little sessions, even though she doesn’t understand why, and wishes she could practice more often with Faye. In fact, she’s a bit frustrated and would like to practice some 2nd and 3rd base techniques as well.

Lois and Faye are inherently different though. Faye is all about becoming the perfect---kept in a style which she’s being brought up in--- woman, while Lois has ambitions to realize her talent for filing and organization. Lois’ guidance counselor suggests that she go to the big city and work since she’s so talented at typing and such. Going against Faye’s magnetic hold on her, Lois decides to go to Bay City and work for the summer and convinces her mother that she will not be taken by white slave traders, nor will she be seduced by those commies and marijuana users since she will be staying at a “very safe” boarding house for women.

Since a job at the most famous advertising agency has been lined up for her already, she moves into the 5th floor of the Magdalena Arms boarding house. The women are all nice and friendly, but right away, Lois notices something very “queer” (snort) about the women and there’s definitely something they're all hiding. But what could it be, she wonders? heh

Lois starts working for the queen byotch (The Hyena), the most influential female advertising executive and she is berated every day by her. But she stays “gay” and all in her attitude and tries to fit in.

Slowly she realizes that no one is who they seem and finds herself embroiled in all kinds of sexual (although she stays pretty clueless about her attractions to women) antics, work intrigues and boarding house secrets. Things come to a head and she tries to fit all the mysterious pieces together.

Normally, I get pissed off at Mary Sue characters. Let’s face it, Lois is a goody-two-shoes who always does the right thing and points out when others are doing less than legal or good things. But in this case, she’s so delightfully clueless that it’s entertaining.

I mean she takes things so literally; like when the girls ask her if she likes girls and she replies that, of course, her best friend is a girl--- then wonders why would anyone ask such a thing. And she has no idea that she might be one of those “career girl lesbians!” She sees all the signs: she's sexually seduced by her boss, which had an interesting twist, and a co-worker, she walks in on a girl that used to be a crush of hers on the cheerleader squad with one of the girls at her boarding house half naked and rubbing up against each other, and yet, she still doesn’t get it. It’s almost hilarious how out of touch she is. In fact, everyone around her can’t believe that she’s so clueless and there are a few Being There moments in which some think she’s uber brilliant in acting so dumb!

Ms Nolan kept Lois walking a line that didn’t make her pathetic or a someone who'd be the brunt of ridicule. The juxtaposition of everyone else being savvy to what’s going on, while Lois is clueless made this story more interesting. I rather liked Lois. Once she figures things out (it takes a long while), she’s very accepting and goes with the flow. Even to the point of again, being out of touch with how society will perceive her. But that made her charming and endearing.

Other than that, there are a gaggle of other characters, all lesbian and all colorfully different and clearly characterized. Outside of the obvious lesbian angle, it was fun that the author included all those typically feared things and ideals of the 50’s: the threat of commies, getting hooked on drugs and losing control (heh, Lois tells about watching a movie about it in high school. Reefer Madness anyone?), women having careers vs. aspiring to being the perfect wife and mother, and so on.

The writing is easy flowing with lots of double entendres to today’s usage of words (queer, gay) and period slang. There really isn’t much of a love story, although the author tried to tie things up in that area. That part didn’t work for me since I couldn’t see Lois feeling like she did with that particular girl. Not enough sexual or romantic tension there. And Lois does muse that she’s becoming one of those sex crazed women she’s read about in the popular rag mag since she has a sexual attraction to almost everyone at some point.

All in all, I highly recommend this book just for the fun of it. The retro vibe and characterizations are realistic, a bit funny, and it’s written quite well.

Heat level- 1- there are references to sex and some sexual scenarios, but they are not graphically written.

Grade: B+

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Just for Laughs

Surprisingly, I found this in my local supermarket. It's a card by a major card company. Since when did they start getting this racy outside of Spencers?


Whatever works, right? :D

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Review-The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks




The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

by Jen Sincero



"You can't swing a dead cat at a bridal shower without hitting a straight chick who's slept with another woman, who's thought about it, or who's ready to make the move as soon as someone breaks out the booze."

Such are the incisive pearls of wisdom to be heard from straight chick and girl-on-girl dabbler Jen Sincero, author of The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks. A deliciously sexy how-to guide, it gives curious straight women the complete inside scoop on girl-on-girl action--from pickup lines and virgin jitters to threesomes, techniques, and toys. Drawing on personal experience and hundreds of interviews with straight girls who've slept with lesbians, staight girls who've slept with straight girls, lesbians who've slept with straight girls and straight girls who've done both or neither, Sincero covers the A to Z of the experience including:

  • Obtaining a visitor's pass to the girls-only club
  • The super-huge importance of sticking your hand down your pants
  • The straight girl's starter kit--from nail clippers to cocktails to get her in the mood
  • "Gettin' Some 101"--positions, techniques, and instructional photos
  • "And Boy Makes Three!"--how to have a threesome that's fun for all
  • Suggestions for further viewing and reading and much, much more

Packed with expertly toned advice that is at once laugh-out-loud hilarious and fundamentally practical, The Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks is ideal for any woman looking to spice things up with a boyfriend, break the ice with a best friend, or simply add a few just-in-case items to her sexual menu.

Okay, can I just say this book was totally blammo? Jen Sincero is like one of those bizarre and catastrophic laboratory accidents a'la The Fly--only, far from being catastrophic or grotesque, what emerges from the teleportation pod is a delightful surprise, a mutant literary hybridization of Dr. Ruth and Bill Maher. Equal parts sex ed guide, comic genius, and sociopolitical manifesto, The Straight Girl's Guide was one fun read.

Ms. Sincero's voice is unabashedly honest, by turns blunt, witty, bawdy, sarcastic, self-effacing and pragmatic. Her words are effortless to read, and seem as if they must have been effortless to write. She comes off as the kind of outgoing and engaging person whose conversation could keep you stuck to your barstool all night long, not noticing the time until last call. And once you'd pounded that last drink, hell, you might even jump her bones, too.

Her advice is practical and refreshingly shameless--boy howdy! does she get into the nitty gritty of the entire subject, sparing no detail or vulgarity, stripping away any trace of embarrassment or pervy oiliness with the aplomb of a public health nurse. From the importance of becoming an expert masturbator--how can you expect to please a woman if you don't know your own bits eight ways from Sunday?--to broaching the subject with the object of your affection, to practical info on techniques and safety precautions, to making your first foray into the scary land of the Pussy-eaters, Ms. Sincero shares her own experiences and those of hundreds of other women. She does so in a way that is so light-hearted and warm and funny that you find yourself almost quoting passages to the nice elderly lady sitting next to you on the airplane, but then you realize what the heck you were about to do and end up pretending you needed something from your carry-on. Ahem.

From the Straight Girl's Starter Kit:

"Nail Clippers-

"Think about it. The pussy is a very sensitive lady. Going at her with long fingernails is about as sexy as going at her with a rake. Showing up untrimmed will not only broadcast your inexperience but may also genuinely terrify potential dates. There are people who will inisist that this is b.s., and I know there are women who can type with full-on swords growing out of their fingertips. But it's a skill that goes against all the physical laws of nature. I don't trust it. In fact, if anyone came at me with claws like that, I think I'd make her take a typing test before I let her anywhere near my unmentionables."

The illustrations are damn awesome, too--hand-drawn by someone with more knowledge of the details of female anatomy than artistic skill. Instructional photos involve modified-to-be-anatomically-correct Barbie-style dolls demonstrating activities the manufacturer clearly never intended. The effect is at once ludicrous and oddly arousing...

And let me be clear--this book is not about converting to lesbianism (although it would be a useful instruction manual in that respect, I suppose). It's about women giving themselves permission to own their sexuality, to take chances, to try new things and be open to new experiences--even if once you've tried it, you decide it's not your bag and you head on back to Boyville. And the whole shebang is handled in such a mirthful, easy, non-judgmental, belly-laugh kind of way that it makes a daunting idea seem less daunting, more doable and infinitely worthwhile.

So heck, even if you're not on a mission to score with the ladies, I can't help but recommend Jen Sincero's Straight Girl's Guide to anyone out there who owns a vagina. It's a warm, witty, sexy, educational, empowering book, and it gets an A from me.