What are you whining about? There's TONS of f/f out there!

Warning: this is not a "sunshine and lollipops" post.

Biphobia and bisexual erasure are rampant in popular media. From Phoebe's "The Bisexual Song" on Friends--"Oh, sometimes men love women, and sometimes men love men. Then there are bisexuals, though some just say they're kidding themselves..."--to Willow's total conversion from straight to lesbian in one fell swoop on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to even supposedly LGBT-positive shows such as Queer as Folk suggesting that if you aren't totally straight or totally gay, there's something wrong with you--the implication is that bisexuals simply don't exist.

In my own personal experience since coming out, I've had people suggest that I'm only faking it to titillate straight men, or I'm deluded in my attraction to women, or it's "just a phase" that I'll eventually get over, or I'm really a closeted lesbian. The assumption is that I can't possibly be sexually and emotionally compatible with people of both sexes. And oddly, this assumption seems to me to be more prevalent in the LGBT community than anywhere else. It may be no more common there, but because that community is supposed to serve all the letters in the acronym, it is more...noticeable.

Well, I'm not particularly interested in what straight men think of my sexual orientation--other than to say how infuriating that straight-guy eyebrow waggle is. If I'm deluded, I've been deluded for my entire adult life (and my adolescence and much of my pre-adolescence) and by now, at age 38, I think I can safely say it's not a phase I'm going through. As for being a closeted lesbian? I just find men too damn hot to give any credence to that.

I'm bisexual. Get over it. And please, please, please stop telling me I don't exist!

So what does this have to do with f/f erotica and romance? It comes into play when making a distinction between f/f romance and lesbian romance. This is a distinction both lesbian and non-lesbian f/f authors have been known to make. Many lesbian romance authors shudder at the very thought of that slash-tag being associated with their work, and rightly so. Lesbian romance is a specific genre with specific tropes that are common to it.

According to Rory, a lesbian romance aficionada, bisexuality seems to be virtually non-existent in the f/f romance published by LGBT presses. Women who were once married tend to end up total converts to full-on lesbianism, often accompanied by references to how their ex-husbands were inattentive, inconsiderate lovers, or simply didn't know how to fulfill their needs. An egalitarian power dynamic is also common in lesbian romance, a dynamic that simply does not work for me as a reader. It's a rejection of the D/s power dynamic inherent in male/female relationships in favor of one where no woman has to be on the bottom.

Now don't get me wrong. Lesbian romance can be whatever it wants to be. I'm not going to tell authors what kind of stories to write, or what kind of tropes to include, or that they must give me what I want. And frankly, lesbians (and everyone else) can think what they want about my sexual orientation (and my opinions as I express them here. Feel free to strenuously disagree if you like--discussion is good).

But I do believe that lesbian fiction--as immersed (subtly or not so subtly) in gender politics, lesbian ideology, feminism and the casting off of patriarchy as it can be--is a very specific niche, and it's one that does not serve my needs as a reader. So whenever someone chimes in with a "What are you whining about? There's f/f romance all over the place!" I end up gritting my teeth until my jaw hurts.

I'm not particularly interested in reading romance fiction that supports a world view of either/or. I'm not interested in reading romance fiction that does not acknowledge I exist. I'm not interested in reading about how sex with a woman is always better than sex with a man, how a relationship with a woman will always be deeper and more loving and more fulfilling than one with a man, or that a man can never truly appreciate a woman.

I'm not interested in closing a door and leaving men on the other side of it. I'm about opting into the possibility of a same-sex relationship, not opting out of the possibility of an m/f one. I'm interested in sexual fluidity in all its forms (whether that's bi- or pansexuality, gender-bending, polyamory, whatever), and lesbian romance fiction doesn't seem to address this much or at all.

I decided to write this post after Teddypig did a blog post on Bold Strokes Books (and I should really give him kudos for posting about f/f considering it's certainly not his area of interest, lol), and the comments turned into a debate about whether there's a difference between f/f romance and lesbian romance. He holds that there is such an enormous overlap in readership between gay romance and m/m there's no distinction to make between the two, and that this holds true for f/f and lesbian.

I think he's mistaken.

Gay and m/m may be all but interchangeable because the readership does overlap. Women will happily read a gay romance, and gay men will happily read m/m.

This is not true of lesbian and f/f. Lesbian romance is often entrenched in a feminist ideology in a way gay romance (which still enjoys a degree of male privilege) is not. The issues in gay romance are gay issues. The issues in lesbian romance are not just lesbian issues but feminist issues.

Women will read gay romance because gay romance doesn't make them feel bad about themselves. Gay men will read m/m because m/m doesn't commonly contain tropes that subvert their ideology, their sense of self, and the long battle they've fought, and are still fighting, for acceptance.

The same can't be said about men and lesbian romance. Lesbian romance is often written from a perspective that makes the male reader feel like an interloper, or even an oppressor. What man wants to read fiction that often tells him he can never understand or please or sexually gratify a woman the way another woman can? What man wants to read fiction that makes him feel like he's only there to keep women down, thwart their success and happiness, or in the best case, help them achieve a happiness that can never include him? And I'm not saying lesbian romance should have to concern itself with making men feel okay about themselves, either. It shouldn't need to include men at all. But it isn't a genre targeted at men.

The same can't be said of straight women and lesbian romance--no woman wants to read a book that implies you're either/or (therefore, if she's getting turned on, she must conclude she's a closeted lesbian), or that she's a chump for being with a man. And judging by the het romance most popular today, straight women also tend to like the D/s dynamic (whether it's subtle or in your face), and complain there's no fire in a relationship without an alpha and a beta.

The same can't be said for lesbians and f/f. Bisexuality and sexual fluidity are not topics much explored in lesbian romance--for a reason. Whatever individual lesbians might feel, lesbians as a market aren't interested in reading about them--at least not in a romantic context.

Add to this the age-old co-opting of f/f sexuality for the titillation of straight men (and the resentment that must accompany that), and it's not surprising to see that female bisexuality is pretty much a no-show in lesbian romance. Lesbians (and most women) rightly protest the depiction of f/f sensuality as two women in bikinis rubbing against each other at a Nascar race. When such images are so pervasive in the media, it's only logical that many lesbians don't want men to own or have any part of their sexuality or the genre of fiction they've developed to serve it.

Female bisexuality invites men back in. Sexual fluidity invites men back in. Maybe not into the bedroom, but at least into the house. And that's what I like to read, and what I write. As a bisexual, I want to read characters who are like me, fiction that acknowledges f/f sex and f/f love are different from m/f, but not necessarily better. That I can be with a man and still be attracted to women, and it isn't a concession or a defeat or a compromise--it's just love. That I can be with a woman and still be attracted to men, and it's not the end-all and be-all or a rejection of maleness--it's just love.

After a certain amount of searching, Rory went on to recommend two romances to me where the characters are bisexual. I'm pretty stoked to find something to read that might satisfy my longing for girl-on-girl love while also accommodating my bisexuality--even if the m/f sex is minimal or non-existant. But the point is, if Rory hadn't recommended those books, I'd have never known they existed, because they're marketed as lesbian romance.

I don't read lesbian romance. I read f/f romance. The two are different. What say you all?

Interesting Discussion

An interesting discussion is going on over at Teddy Pig's blog about labeling f/f vs. lesbian in girl on girl romance, in case anyone is interested.

Review- A Swithin Spin I: A Queen's Move by Sharon Maria Bidwell

A Swithin Spin I: A Queen’s Move
by Sharon Maria Bidwell
2009
Fantasy/ F/F- bisexual
48K- $5.99
Ebook

Buy it Loose-ID, Fictionwise

Tressa, the Swithin Queen, doesn't always manage to act as a lady should. Her marriage is one of duty, though not without love. Even so, Markis, her husband, is happy for her to try a softer, feminine touch, if it means that Tressa finally finds true love. Meira is half Swithin and even though she's a great healer, some look upon her heritage with suspicion. Still, she's stronger than that; what others think of her has never mattered...so why is it suddenly important to her that Tressa looks at her with love? Why does she want to protect Tressa even if it means possibly failing to do the right thing? Will the nation be able to stand up to the two women? Even more importantly, how will Tressa and Meira manage their dominant natures between the sheets?

A Queen’s Move is one of those books that’s hard to write a review for. While I didn’t hate this book, I didn’t love it either. Something was missing for me in both the love story and the general cohesiveness of the several story lines going on, but there were some things that I enjoyed about it.

Tressa is the Swithin Queen by marriage. The Swithin are a race of socially enlightened people who honor the rights both men and women equally. Sexually the Swithin are very open and have no judgments about gender preferences, only that it’s OK to love whomever you love. They’re also very powerful in this universe and so they hold much sway.

Tressa was born to the king of the Azulite, a race of people who are dominated by men. Women have absolutely no rights at all, are not allowed to even think for themselves and are forced to be completely subservient to men. Tressa escaped being forced into marriage by running away and marrying the king of Swithin, Markis. While their marriage is one of convenience---Markis is a gay man with two partners--- they do have a mutual love and respect for each other. So when Tressa expresses her desire to be with a woman, he supports her.

Tressa wants to go back to her home country to try and open them up and enlighten them on the errors of their archaic ways and takes Meira with her for support. Meira was born of parents of two races. Because of her parents intermarrying from two warring races, they were slaughtered and Meira was raised as a slave basically, being abused both sexually and mentally. She’s now a healer and Tressa is in love with her, although Tressa is reluctant express that to Meira. Meira feels this attraction but is reticent and doesn’t want to get emotionally involved. It’s only when they are jailed together by the Azulite that they do something about what they feel.

There are several issues I had with this book. The main problem for me was the lack of oomph or juice in this story. I got bored quite often and really pushed myself to keep reading this book. To be fair, I will chalk some of it up to my mood. However, there were some concrete problems that I can identify as to why this book didn’t quite pop for me.

Unfortunately, this book starts out really slow and doesn’t get much better until the very end. In the first chapter there’s hardly any dialogue and it’s about Tressa and Meira basically ignoring each other or being perfunctory on their way to Tressa’s homeland. While they are busy not talking, Tressa’s inner dialogue goes on and on though, explaining the back story of this Swithin world, which bored and confused me since until that point, I had no investment in current story or the characters.

Another issue; I felt no heat between Tressa and Meira. Tressa supposedly has it really bad for Meira. And Meira is attracted to Tressa, but likes to keep her distance and acts rather cool with Tressa. When Meira, who is bisexual, finally seduces Tressa, Tressa retracts from Meira, suddenly fearing and wondering if she really can be with a woman since she has no experience.

I felt these constant reservations going on between the two and didn’t really believe that they want or need each other badly enough. In the end when they do finally open up to each other totally, it’s rather bland as they discuss rationally, rather than passionately act out, their feelings for each other.

Then there was problem in which I felt that the focus of this story was not very clear. It wasn’t completely about Meira and Tressa’s love story as there were other story lines going on. There’s a major story line of Tressa’s brother being in love with a woman who loves another woman in a society where that is strictly forbidden and Tressa trying to help him. I thought that this part might be used as an excuse for Meira and Tressa to get closer, and they do to a degree.

Again though, there was no passion that came from that for Tressa and Meira; it was all about the brother and the relationship between his love Kiana and Helsa. I actually felt more passion going on between Kiana and Helsa. Probably because they are doomed living in a place that they can be killed for being together, unlike Meira and Tressa who are free to love in Swithin territory and don’t have to fight for their love.

Another story thread running through this book was Tressa going home with this idealistic idea of trying to change the attitudes of her people. The Azulites are written as so misogynistic that it was clear to me right from the beginning that Tressa doesn’t even have a chance and that she’s basically got her head in the clouds chasing windmills. I really didn’t get why she thought she could change a whole nation’s way of thinking just like that. So that part of the story was unbelievable to me and felt contrived as an excuse to throw all these characters together.

Within this I felt there was too much of an underlying general social statement going on about the persecution of women and homosexuals by men, which negatively colored things for me.

On a positive note, I do admit that I liked the contrast of the Azulite race being so anti women with the Swithin being so open and conscientious as a people. It did make for some good conflict in this story. And I felt this world in general to be an interesting backdrop for character growth and the concept itself is unique.

The sex scenes between the women were also nicely written. And the story did pick up with some major action at the end, which I think helped my overall opinion of this story. I think if you like fantasy this book might appeal to you. As a f/f love story I wish it had more passion to it, which I think was possible due to the cultural and racial differences.

Sex rating: Wet panties: f/f. fairly graphic sexual language and scenarios, minor anal. Barely described fisting.

Grade: C-

For another review, which might help you better understand this book: Rainbow Reviews.

The Girl kissing Girl Fad

I came across this article the other day: Lipstick Lesbians: How this kiss sparked a teenage trend that will disturb every parent and found it very interesting. The subject of girl on girl as a fad has come up many times on this blog and I find it very interesting to read different points of view on it.

This article presents it as a problem. I can see that there are problems with this recent development, but not for the reasons that the article writer states. She comes from the POV that this is potentially harmful for young girls to willy nilly be kissing and being sexual with other girls as a fad and not for themselves. She blames celebrities who she says are doing it for the attention and shock value for spurring this recent trend on.

"For women such as those [celebrities], it's just another layer to the mystique they try so hard to create around themselves. But for the teenage girls who are, at 15 or 16, in some ways precocious, in other ways they are deeply naive about what the fallout might be from kissing another girl in public.

Yes, they're vulnerable to intense social pressures to fit in with whatever is perceived to be fashionable. And yet few are mature enough to deal with the complicated sexual issues surrounding such behaviour. That's why this celebrity fad is so insidious."

See, I kind of disagree with this statement. I agree that teens will do things from peer pressure. However, I would wager that being pressured by some boy who claimed love and then dumped the girl or even worse, spread the word that she's a tramp after sex, which is far more likely to happen--- is way more harmful to a girl's self worth and sexual maturity than kissing another girl just to be "cool" and emulate a celebrity.

And clearly, when a teenage girl kisses another girl when all their friends know it's due to the fad and they aren't being serious, then how "insidious" is that really? Frankly, I also don't think that 15 and 16 year old girls are that naive about the effects of kissing a girl for themselves and how others see it. Far worse for me is this statement by one girl.

'It's really not such a big deal. Some of my girlfriends do kiss each other at parties - sometimes because they are drunk, sometimes because they think it will impress boys.

I think this is the bad part of this trend. While I don't think celebrities are doing this to impress men, it's turned into young girls doing it to impress boys, which only reinforces the whole girl on girl as male fantasy thing. I think this is the detrimental part personally.

Then there is this:

'It doesn't mean at all that they'd go further in private. Just that they are happy with each other to be seen doing that. It is a way of showing off, or flexing their sexual muscles to prove they are not square and boring.'

One 14-year-old girl confided to me that 'kissing a girl' was now considered by some in her set to be one of the first 'sexual bases' - a new rite of passage for teenage girls. 'It's something you have to do. It's part of growing up,' she told me.

Another said: 'We know it's the kind of thing that would shock adults, so we enjoy doing it.'

Well, there's no doubt that adults, and particularly the parents of teenage girls, will be disturbed, to say the least.

Seriously, I can't understand why parents would be disturbed over this particularly as opposed to say, sex w/o protection, doing oral and anal sex while claiming virginity (also another fad), etc.

I don't know where this article writer has been, but even back in my day in my tween years, my friends and I would do things like showing our growing boobs to each other, or the sudden appearance of pube hairs and so on during sleep overs. Considering that it was always groups of 5 or more girls, I don't chalk that up to specifically same sex desires of one girl to another girl. It was more a rite of passage and not near as bad as boys masturbating in groups, which is not uncommon.

Tweens to young adults are experimenting with sex and dealing with strong hormonal changes that they don't have control over. Maybe girls haven't kissed other girls as openly before, but same sex sexual experimentation on minor levels has being going on forever. The only difference now is that it's more in the open and less of a big deal.

But psychologist Donna Dawson warns that such things can lead to problems - as a result of undue peer pressure.

'Some impressionable young girls may be influenced to behave in a way they really don't want to. It's a trend they may feel they have to latch on to.'

Again, teens doing things and being damaged by giving into peer pressure is a common issue across the board and not specific to girl on girl kissing or experimenting.

Ironically enough, while some girls think it's cool to kiss other girls, 'lipstick lesbianism' has served only to anger sections of the lesbian community.

Yes, I agree with this problem. I can see how lesbians would be less than thrilled about this phenomenon. Girls kissing girls as a fad and not because they are lesbians means that they don't really have to deal with the stigma that many girls who are lesbian, who have no choice, must deal with. Real lesbians are teased and taunted for who they are as teens. This fad rather makes light of what they live daily and the real prejudice that they face.

On the other hand, for someone like me who would love to live in a world with no labels and where people could just be with who they love no matter what the gender, this recent fad is good.

I think it opens the doors for people who are on different points of the Kinsey scale and who would like to be open to some same sex experimenting and love, but who stop themselves due to stigma. At least discussion is happening around same sex relating and that can only be good in the long run.

The comments to this piece are particularly interesting and state what really people think about this, including parents. They are worth to check out.

Just for Laughs

Surprisingly, I found this in my local supermarket. It's a card by a major card company. Since when did they start getting this racy outside of Spencers?


Whatever works, right? :D

Review- Cattle Valley: Fool's Gold by Jenna Byrnes

Cattle Valley: Fool’s Gold
by Jenna Byrnes
June 23, 2009
Contemporary/ Lesbian
Novella- 35K
Ebook

Buy it Total-E-Bound- $4.98

Adeline Murphy believes the Apple Valley Inn is the only thing waiting for her in Cattle Valley, and it's up to Melissa Danes to change her way of thinking.

Adeline Murphy heads to Cattle Valley, Wyoming looking for a fresh start. She's invested every dime she has and purchased the local bed and breakfast. Arriving in town with a cranky girlfriend in tow, Addie's devastated to discover the inn has been vandalised. With the property uninhabitable, she has no source of income and a mounting stack of bills.

Melissa Danes' quiet Cattle Valley existence is shaken by the arrival of the beautiful Addie and her surly tagalong, Chloe. She's captivated by Addie, but stays away thinking Addie and Chloe are in a committed relationship. When she discovers differently, all bets are off.

Mel discovers Addie has several barriers to cross, including repairing the damaged inn and her even more wounded self-esteem. When Mel looks at Addie she sees more than Fool's Gold, but she needs to find a way for Addie to see it too.

Fool’s Gold is one of those sweet, fully developed romantic stories that satisfied me on every level. There’s just enough plot and tension to keep it engrossing and the characters are written with enough depth to get a good feel for who they are. While there’s plenty of steamy sex in this story, it’s not overpowering, but adds a spicy kick to this romance.

Addie's a good person who comes from a nasty home life. Her mother kicked her out for being gay and when her father sided with her, he got kicked out too. Addie inherited the only money left from her father whom she nursed while he was dying of lung cancer, and has bought a B&B in Cattle Valley, WY to start a new life. She's jaded and has self confidence issues, but is ready to be open.

She’s also somehow recently hooked up with Chloe, a self-centered bad girl who’s into nothing but playing and having sex. One thing missing from this story that I was curious about was why Addie and Chloe are together. They didn’t seem to be in tune with each other and I thought it was strange that someone like Addie would be with a girl like Chloe. Chloe’s bad ass personality does make for a nice contrast to the clean character of Mel, though.

Mel is a kind, conscientious woman who hasn’t found someone to love and spends her days working at the local book store. (Same book store from Truth or Dare.) When she meets Addie for the first time to hand over the keys to the B&B, sparks fly in her being and she finds herself fantasizing about Addie and wanting to help her, even with Chloe telling her to piss off and die at every turn.

You can see what’s coming fairly quickly; however, Jenna Byrnes kept a nice balance of tension stemming from Addie’s problems with both Chloe and her financial situation, and the budding love between Mel and Addie to keep a good flow to this story. It’s not a smooth ride, which gives a good reason to root for Addie and Mel’s love.

I’d also like to mention that this is one of the few f/f stories in which safe sex or the fact that women can possibly pass on disease to each other is dealt with. I take issue quite often in m/f, or m/m contemporaries in which condoms or at least the thought of disease control is not mentioned and it’s good to bring up in f/f as well. I thought Jenna Byrnes dealt with it in a non obtrusive way that added much to Addie’s character as a person of worth. And I just like it; it adds to my overall positive feeling about a book.

I wasn’t going to comment on the whole Cattle Valley thing because I basically ignored it. However, I felt that since it is a big part of the book, it needs some mentioning. If you’re familiar with author Carol Lynne’s Cattle Valley series in which this story takes place and enjoy it, then you’ll enjoy that part of this book. Personally I can’t suspend disbelief of a whole town of queers in WY. However, I do enjoy Jenna Byrnes' f/f stories, even if set in Cattle Valley, so I focused on the story itself. And some of the gay characters from that series are rather fun.

Fool’s Gold is just the kind of story to read if you’re looking for something light and fun, with a gratifying HEA romance and some juicy sex.

Sex rating: Orgasmic- Graphically written f/f sex, anal penetration rimming, dildo.

Grade B+

New GLBT promotion site

A new site, GLBT Bookshelf, has been created for authors, readers, and reviewers of GLBT themed books.

The story of how it started here.

It's virtually open to anyone to join and is free. It's still a site in progress and as the originator of the site has stated, it's open to anyone for suggestions as it's being run more like a co-op or "Kibbutz" as he puts it.

I've signed up to maybe post reviews of books on there.

So far, in going through the site, there's no easy way to find lesbian or Bi f/f books in the "Bookstore" section, so I probably wouldn't go there at the moment to find books. However, it's nice to know it's not set in stone. This can change and there's a great search option, which does yield all the info on the search term within the site.

I think this is a great idea and is yet another support for authors and readers of GLBT books to have a place to promote, mingle and get info knowing that they will not be marginalized like what happened with *coughAmazonfailcough.*

If you're an author it's very author friendly. You can promote your book, have author pages, and links to buy your book.

And if you're a reader, it's a good place to get more info on a book or author.