Yes, I'm not around these days

No this pic has nothing to do with anything. I was looking for a pic using the search term "busy" and this came up. Seriously? Busy showers? I wonder what type of place this is? Maybe a swimming pool shower?


Sorry folks, but I'm so swamped with school work this quarter having taken more credits than the norm for full time. Shamefully, I'm still reading the same book I've been reading for two weeks. Alas, no time for it.

So, I'm stealing other bloggers' posts to offer something.

Today on AfterEllen, there were two articles posted about why more females are coming out as lesbian or bisexual these days.


The first guy from Psychology Today posted this.

I read it first and took umbrage to a few things. Particularly to his correlation that teenage boys watching porn makes girls come out as lesbian or bisexual. That was totally off to me. So, boys looking at porn makes girls gay or bisexual? That makes TOTAL sense. :/ sarcasm.

And guys have been jerks all through history and still the majority of women are heterosexual, so guys being jerks aren't the reason either. Although I suspect it's the reason some women turn to other women in some cases.

Then I read an article from Psych Central, which disputes the first article. You can read it here.

I think their version is more correct. I agree and think that women's sexuality is more malleable and that women are more likely to be open to blurring the boundaries than men. And, we are living in a time when it's more acceptable to be out there.

The other day in school, a girl was sharing that her friend buys from estate sales and she read a diary of a woman who lived to be 90 years old and died years ago. In this diary, this women wrote how even though she was married, she had a long term lesbian affair. She wrote how it had to be kept quite and that they never spoke of it to anyone. This woman also said that having to sneak around and having such an illicit affair was part of the attraction and fun.

This classmate telling this was shocked at that. But for me, I was a bit fascinated. I would love to read that diary. It goes show that yes, there have been lesbians and bisexuals all along, it's just never been OK to announce it to the world.

On to other things: Leigh Ellwood has a new book out- I rather liked the one short story she wrote Where Angels Dare to Tread so I'll probably give this one a shot.

Share Some More
F/F
$.79 at DLP Store

The sequel to Share. Marissa enjoys her friends with benefits arrangement with roommate Nell, but lately the twinge of jealousy makes it difficult to have fun. Between a professor persistent on employing her for dubious acts and her jealousy toward the latest object of Nell's affection, Marissa wonders how much longer she can share herself. Will she stop, or risk it all to share her love with Nell?




By the way- I went to DLP books, where this one is sold and all of Ms. Ellwood's books are sold there cheaper than ARe, or Fictionwise. And she uses paypal, so no need to worry if you don't want to give information.

Other F/F by Leigh Ellwood:


Share
F/F
$. 79 at DLP

Desperate to achieve release with a little help from her trusty toy, Marissa tries to be discreet and not disturb her roommate. Nell, however, is quick to convince Marissa to change her plans…and to share more than her battery-operated pet.

Last Call
F/F
$. 79 DLP Books

Dejected and depressed, Janet Stanton hopes her nightly walk will improve her mood. The end of the road leads her to her best friend and a shocking revelation that could change her life. Is Janet willing to take that important first step toward love, or will she miss the last call?

I have this book, but haven't read it yet.



Another book coming out from Loose-Id, but I'm not sure when as there's no date attached, is this one.


Dancing with Venus
by Roscoe James
Lesbian or f/f, don't know yet
Loose-ID

No info on this one yet: neither price, nor blurb, nor date coming out. But click the title above to get to the page for it.

I have heard that a man wrote this, which makes me a bit curious. I think so far I've only read one f/f from a man, Blood Creek Haunting. I thought the f/f relationship in that book was nicely done. So it could be interesting.

Being Gay in a Straight World

In the last few days I've read and watched some interesting "feelings," not opinions, about being gay in a straight world by some lesbians.

I admit that when Kirsten and I started this blog, I personally was more interested in discussing f/f romance in stories as entertainment, like I read m/f. And I'll be honest in saying that I wasn't so concerned nor did I want to make this a political blog or a blog that discusses social injustices in general. Not that I personally don't think about these things on my own and have strong feelings about them. But I wanted to keep this blog on the lighter side.

However, lately, as I follow blogs like AfterEllen and LesbianPro, I see the constant issues that come up with being a gay person in a straight world. And a lot of these posts have started to affect me pretty deeply.

How can I keep getting my rocks off on reading two chicks together, like "oh look, two women together, how cute" and enjoy all the fun part of it when I myself don't have to deal with the constant issues faced by such women? I can't.

Last week there was a picture posted on LesbianPro with a link to another post, which talked about a book done by a photographer Jeff Sheng. He's created a book called Don't Ask, Don't Tell through photos of actual military people. They are stunning and photos of real people who risked a lot by being part of this project.




Photo by Jeff Sheng- you can buy or donate toward the book here

I was actually haunted and touched by this photo because it's so real. We are constantly bombarded with young, cute, celebrities who kiss chicks or who are bi and it's made out as something fun and le chique to do. But this photo is of real women who are living the daily reality of it.

Then yesterday, on AfterEllen, my two new favorite vloggers posted their video discussion about being gay in a straight world. They bring up some interesting points about the stickiness and weirdness that can happen when interacting or being friends with a straight woman. One of them points out that the assumption of a lot of straight women that if a lesbian friends you, they automatically want you, which is an interesting point. Anyway, I'll link from After Ellen because the comments are very interesting.

I like these two because they stay rather light and humorous about serious topics, which I think helps people in general to be more open to them and what they have to say.

LL 121 Being Gay in a Straight World from lacey stone on Vimeo.

Then there was this post today from mfred, a person who has commented here on LVLM in the past and whom I follow because she has interesting reviews and things to say- She rants but in a very poignant and honest way, her frustrations about being gay in a straight world. Her post was the one that finally got me to do this post. It's not a political post or rant about social injustice, it's a post from her heart about her bottom line reality and it hit me pretty deeply.

Hot or Not?

I just saw this on the Huffington Post-

Lady Gaga, whom I totally have the hots for, put on a strap-on for a Q magazine cover photo.

What can I say, I love me some really out there people. Love that she did that. But I'm curious what the lesbian community will say. If they will embrace it or criticize it.

Why Vagina Owners Need Romance Books

You know, the other day I was thinking that my poor old, tired, sucky, smelly, faded, dirty, stretched vagina needs a pick me up. I mean, it's all the rage now, isn't it? Completely changing your vagina to fit some advertiser's or someone else's ideal of it. And my own now, of course, cause they are right. Right?

And having been told over and over by advertisers who want to cash in on my feminine insecurities and the nasty age old fish jokes, I do realize that my vagina is some freak of nature that needs major fixing. And if I don't do it, then gosh, how will I ever get a man and keep him interested in my vagina? And how can I ever look at myself in the mirror? I'm the owner of something just above a garbage dump in ick factors. Oh the horrors!

Won't someone please help the poor vaginas? This is a link to an article called

The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas

Well, some women and men have stepped up to the plate and given poor vaginas a break. And for all you vagina owners, it's a lot cheaper than all those chemicals and costly operations. What is it? Why it's the erotic romance book.




Yes, in romance, vaginas don't smell like fish or of something half dead dragged out of the garbage, nope, they smell like misty seas and citrus and floral gardens. Not only that, they stretch enough to fit the super sized largest cock out there while being tight as a drum and sucking up the tiniest of fingers. They are wondrous caverns flowing with sweetest tasting nectar that lovers cannot lick and get enough of. Nor is it possible for lovers to stay away; they come from far and wide and do crazy things to willingly and at every moment suckle and partake of the wonders of the beautiful, warm vagina.

Vagina owners, skip all that crap and major cost of what advertisers are telling you and listen to the call of the erotic romance and nature. For mere dollars you can read what you really want to hear and know that your vagina is not some icky orifice, but a wondrous ocean of magic that is adored for it's natural ability to give and receive the most pleasurable of pleasures.

I'm a lazy bum- and the G-spot

Well, my holiday has come and gone and I had a whole month to read until my eyeballs fell out, and yet, I effed around online or did other crazy things like organize and file last year's paper trail and other sundry non urgent important stuffs. And to be honest, I just can't do much of anything when the Mr. is home. He's been off almost all that time as well, so not much gets done. That said, I thought I'd do a post about an interesting article that's been buzzed about on Twitter about a new study that proclaims that the famous G-spot is a myth.

The article here



That's right. First we are given that special spot, which was so nice since it's supposedly the only way we can get pleasure out of sex without any clitoral stimulation. And we've all been there, where we've been with that one dude who was clueless or didn't give a damn about helping us get off. So now, just like that, it's taken away and it doesn't exist.

Several things:

1. They did this study by questionnaire. Seriously? "They asked 1,804 women aged between 23 and 83 filled in questionnaires. All were pairs of identical or non-identical twins."

2. One of the authors of that study is a man. Nuff said.

3. The other author is a woman who "'said she was concerned that women who feared they lacked a G-spot were suffering from feelings of 'inadequacy or underachievement'."

"'It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women – and men too.'"

So basically, because not all women have been lucky enough to have a man willing to go looking for that sweet spot, lets say it doesn't exist so we don't give other women complexes. That's a good reason to say it's NOT THERE, right?




What do you all say?

Personally, I think there is a G-spot. Telling you all how I know is a bit TMI, but it was quite by accident that it happened and it was amazing. Not more amazing than clitoral stimulation with vaginal sex or simply clitoral stimulation, or umm.. oral sex, but just a different, extremely pleasurable feeling.

I think even with finding the G-spot, it's still hard to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. So why do these researchers feel the need to make women and men feel better about not finding it? It's not like women are missing out on some uber orgasmic state or anything if it's not found. What's the big deal really? Maybe what they really should be researching is what stimulating that G-spot actually feels like. I think there's a huge expectation around that stimulating it can send a woman to that ultimate nirvana, which I don't think is the case.

I do think though, that women are all built differently and maybe someone's spot is not in the same place or in another area. Actually, I think many women can find their own G-spot since I think it's located just inside the first part of the vagina and feels rough, like with ridges. It's just easier and nicer if someone else is doing the research on you. *g*

I agree with another Proff, a woman, who pointed out that she "found G-spots in a study of 400 women, and described the new British study as 'flawed'.

If you really want to study G-spots, get in there and feel around. If women let researchers put sensors in their ho-ha's to gauge arousal during testing for sexual issues, why not let researchers, or their partners in there in a scientific situation to really test this instead of asking women if their partner's have found it.

This other professor also "said it did not look at lesbians and failed to take into account the prowess of different men." heh.

What I have to wonder is, why do women and men feel so pressured or inadequate if they cannot find that spot? What's wrong with just how nice it feels to have something inside the vagina plus clitoral stimulation and communing with your partner? What's so bad about just that? And that's easy to do. I think you have to be a total idiot or completely ignorant not to find the clitoris or know that it needs a little loving during sex to see stars.

I also wonder what lesbians or women who've been with women and are willing to take the time to find what feels good on a partner and knows exactly what another women feels, have to say about this?

Women leaving Men for women

I saw a link to this article on After Ellen Blog Twitter post and thought it's very interesting. Two authors are going to write a book about women who have identified as Het but have left their husbands or boyfriends for another woman.

I think it can be an interesting book, but one thing caught my attention and maybe not in a good way.

The editors are looking for women “who were aware that they had always felt robust same-sex desires, but wanted to try to make it work in the straight world, and also who identified as heterosexual at one time, but found that the situation they were in just naturally led to embarking on an intimate romantic relationship with a woman.”

I think this excludes a lot of women who've identified as HET and find themselves attracted to a woman, but who've also not had same sex attractions.

I don't like the sentence but wanted to try to make it work in the straight world, because this suggests that women who fall in love with a woman after a lifetime of being/ identifying as HET, have been suppressing their "lesbianism," which I disagree with.

It might be the case with many women, but not all women who do this. I think this could be an interesting study about what seems to have become a recognized, recent trend lately. However, I would love for them to not constrict their parameters to women who've "denied" their same sex attractions and are now willing to explore them.

I think there might be more women than they think out there who have fallen in love with a woman and or who might want to engage in a romantic/sexual relationship, but who haven't had strong same-sex sexual impulses that they've suppressed all their lives. It would be nice if they were included as well.

At any rate, it's nice that this topic is out in the open and getting discussed.

Biphobia?

Jolie du Pre an author of lesbian erotica whom I've read, wrote this article today about Biphobia- fear of bisexuals.

It's a short piece, but interesting to read. I think it speaks to why those of us who like reading f/f of the more bisexual nature have a hard time finding the material to read and even finding some kind of identity in our preferences in general. Whether we are actually bisexual or just enjoy reading it.

Interesting Links to Posts about Sexual desire and Identity

The other day, Remittance Girl posted an interesting post about Gender, Sexuality and Desire about how you identify yourself sexually and how much of how we identify ourselves and attractions is based on what we were brought up to think is beautiful or attractive.

Today, Kissa Starling posted and interesting post about sexual Identity and labeling as well.

Both go into the idea of not wanting to label themselves or others. This is interesting to me because it's a topic that seems to be pretty popular these days, especially with pop culture sort of accepting and promoting sexual fluidity.

The biggest and most far reaching recent discussion about it was on Oprah this past year. Below is the link to what happened on that show. It's very fascinating for someone like me, who has been a 1 on the Kinsey scale but finds myself suddenly in my 50's sexually or romantically open to women, to see these discussions happening.

I find myself not wanting to fit into any box or label about what I feel. Technically I'm not totally straight since I am now attracted to some women. Nor am I bi since I've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with a women, and I'm definitely not a lesbian since I'm very attracted to men and specifically, love and desire my husband.

But this is something I personally think about as I enjoy reading the type of books that I review for this blog and wish to do and feel as I please in it.

Oprah's Living Without Labels show.

Another Oprah link- Women Leaving Men for Other Women

And then there was an article about Older women turning Gay in More magazine, which is very interesting. It's about women in middle age suddenly finding themselves attracted to women.

This guy has an interesting post about it in The New Gay- Sexual Disorientation: A Bit Bug'd He comes from the premise that we do identify but that certain people or circumstances can cause us to become sexually disoriented for a time being. Interesting.

All of these stories, plus my own experience tell me that we're probably more sexually fluid than we think or identify with. And that many of us don't want to be labeled, or shoved into a box that says this is what I am.

One question that does come up and is posited by Remittance Girl as well, is whether or not social and cultural factors are influencing us in our sexual preferences and experiences? For instance, why would someone like me suddenly become open to women in a sexual way? Is it because the current social a atmosphere is open enough, or even making it popular or even cool? Or has this always been the case that women and men have been fluid, but due to social stigma no one has talked about it? I wonder.

What women want?

According to this NY Times article, it isn't what most people think. For those of you too lazy-- *ahem* I mean busy to click the link, I'll boil it down to the bare bones for ya. When it comes to erotic material, women want pretty much anything: man, woman, men, women, sex in any gender combination or permutation as long as those portrayed are having a good time. I can't say I'm particularly surprised, since the research findings in the Times article dovetail nicely with another article I linked to awhile back in this here edumicational post, which lays out the not insignificant differences between men and women regarding what gets them off.

I'm not sure whether this means women are more open than men to actually experimenting with their own sex, or whether they're just merely interested in watching/reading about it. Either way, it makes me wonder what's holding the f/f and f/f/m romance subgenres back.

I find it curious, especially considering the fairly mainstream popularity of shows like The L-Word, that even the mildest girl-on-girl content in ebooks is often viewed with dismissal and disdain.

Is it that women who are members of the typical romance ebook reading demographic are not as open to the idea of fluid sexuality as younger women seem to be? And will those women who are now in their late teens and early twenties be the f/f/m romance readers of the next decade? Are we poised on the edge of a new trend?

Or is it, as Emily Veinglory suggested, that women looking for f/f and f/f/m simply can't find the kind of stories they like? Is it that publishers aren't putting the right books in front of the right eyes?

Is it that many straight women have never given the idea much thought, or have just never tried it and don't know what they're missing? That is not to say that every woman will enjoy a lesbian or f/f/m menage romance. I just wonder why so many insist they don't, or wouldn't, or can't, or couldn't, when current research finds this simply not to be the case most of the time.

Is the prevailing sentiment that f/f is a tough sell actually true, or is it just that those on the extreme hetero end of the sexual continuum are the most vocal in their disapproval, while all those millions upon millions of middle-of-the-Kinsey-scale, potential girl-on-girl readers are just not quite curious enough to bother seeking it out?

What do you all think?