Monday, January 4, 2010

I'm a lazy bum- and the G-spot

Well, my holiday has come and gone and I had a whole month to read until my eyeballs fell out, and yet, I effed around online or did other crazy things like organize and file last year's paper trail and other sundry non urgent important stuffs. And to be honest, I just can't do much of anything when the Mr. is home. He's been off almost all that time as well, so not much gets done. That said, I thought I'd do a post about an interesting article that's been buzzed about on Twitter about a new study that proclaims that the famous G-spot is a myth.

The article here



That's right. First we are given that special spot, which was so nice since it's supposedly the only way we can get pleasure out of sex without any clitoral stimulation. And we've all been there, where we've been with that one dude who was clueless or didn't give a damn about helping us get off.
So now, just like that, it's taken away and it doesn't exist.

Several things:


1. They did this study by questionnaire. Seriously?
"They asked 1,804 women aged between 23 and 83 filled in questionnaires. All were pairs of identical or non-identical twins."

2. One of the authors of that study is a man. Nuff said.

3. The other author is a woman who
"'said she was concerned that women who feared they lacked a G-spot were suffering from feelings of 'inadequacy or underachievement'."

"'It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never been proven and pressurise women – and men too.'"So basically, because not all women have been lucky enough to have a man willing to go looking for that sweet spot, lets say it doesn't exist so we don't give other women complexes. That's a good reason to say it's NOT THERE, right?




What do you all say?

Personally, I think there is a G-spot. Telling you all how I know is a bit TMI, but it was quite by accident that it happened and it was amazing. Not more amazing than clitoral stimulation with vaginal sex or simply clitoral stimulation, or umm.. oral sex, but just a different, extremely pleasurable feeling.

I think even with finding the G-spot, it's still hard to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation. So why do these researchers feel the need to make women and men feel better about not finding it
? It's not like women are missing out on some uber orgasmic state or anything if it's not found. What's the big deal really? Maybe what they really should be researching is what stimulating that G-spot actually feels like. I think there's a huge expectation around that stimulating it can send a woman to that ultimate nirvana, which I don't think is the case.

I do think though, that women are all built differently and maybe someone's spot is not in the same place or in another area. Actually, I think many women can find their own G-spot since I think it's located just inside the first part of the vagina and feels rough, like with ridges. It's just easier and nicer if someone else is doing the research on you. *g*

I agree with another Proff, a woman, who pointed out
that she "found G-spots in a study of 400 women, and described the new British study as 'flawed'.

If you really want to study G-spots, get in there and feel around. If women let researchers put sensors in their ho-ha's to gauge arousal during testing for sexual issues, why not let researchers, or their partners in there in a scientific situation to really test this instead of asking women if their partner's have found it.

This other professor also "said it did not look at lesbians and failed to take into account the prowess of different men." heh.

What I have to wonder is, why do women and men feel so pressured or inadequate if they cannot find that spot? What's wrong with just how nice it feels to have something inside the vagina plus clitoral stimulation and communing with your partner? What's so bad about just that? And that's easy to do. I think you have to be a total idiot or completely ignorant not to find the clitoris or know that it needs a little loving during sex to see stars.

I also wonder what lesbians or women who've been with women and are willing to take the time to find what feels good on a partner and knows exactly what another women feels, have to say about this?


14 comments:

Cathy in AK said...

This is akin to downgrading Pluto from a planet to a dwarf planet: those of us who grew up learning there are NINE planets in the solar system will probably stick with that idea. So too with the existence of the G-spot : )

I didn't read the article yet, so it may have addressed this, but I read a while ago that the G-spot is part of the same nerve bundle that serves the clitorous. And as you can see in the illustration, they are basically across from each other, so that makes sense.

Just because *some* people have a problem finding it doesn't mean it isn't real. As you said, a little research will go a loooooong way there : )

Eyre said...

I completely agree with you. The g-spot isn't the end-all, be-all in sex, and I'm sure that there are people out there who will use this as an excuse to be a bit "lazy" when pleasuring their partners. How sad! The study is flawed. Did they ever think that all these women who didn't seem to have a g-spot might just have never had someone who would take the time to find it? Probably not. Also, I wonder if those women questioned were comfortable answering questions truthfully. We all know that lots of women feel ashamed of self-pleasure. They may not have been willing to admit that they'd been able to find it on their own when if a lover never had.

JenB said...

I believe the G-spot exists. It's not a magical button that delivers instant screams and fireworks, but it does feel damn good when it's pounded from behind or slammed repeatedly with a curved glass dildo.

O_O

So I hear.

MB (Leah) said...

This is akin to downgrading Pluto from a planet to a dwarf planet

Oh that's too funny. It's exactly what I thought as well. Hmmm...Pluto is the planet that rules Scorpio, the sign that rules sex! LOL

Yeah, I think that whole area is a bundle of nerves. Women might even be feeling it and not realize it because it generally feels good along with what ever else is going on.

As you said, a little research will go a loooooong way there : )

Yes, I think I need to have some more personal research done on this topic. :D


Eyre-

I think you are so right that many women might not be honest and feel shy about talking about their sex lives and if they masturbate or not.

I don't know that I'd be honest in a questionnaire. I might even lie and say that I have had experiences I didn't have if I felt my sex life was not up to par or normal. I might even be more embarrassed about that. So they aren't a true criteria for establishing g-spotage.

there are people out there who will use this as an excuse to be a bit "lazy" when pleasuring their partners. How sad!

Yeah, I think though that many guys are are clueless do stress about all this stuff, which takes away from the natural flow of things. Like I said, my DH found that spot really by accident. Neither he nor I was thinking about it or worried about finding it, we were just enjoying ourselves and having fun.

But I agree, there are a lot of guys out there that can't be bothered to help their partner. Everyone is different and women particularly have need different things to get off.

MB (Leah) said...

JenB- I agree. I've had lots of experience but when that was discovered I knew that it was something new that I hadn't felt before and it is pretty cool. Not as amazing as the big O, but still, very nice.

And yeah, I think all women should have a dildo to fish around to find it. Then they can tell their partners what to do and where it is! :D

But so glad you've "heard" about it to let us know. ;)

kirstensaell said...

Dudes, the clitoris is long. Like 4 inches long, and most of it is hidden inside the body. Seems likely that the G-spot is the root of the clitoris.

And it would also seem likely that the few women out there who require vibration for orgasm aren't defective--they just have a relatively small amount of their clitoris exposed, and need a form of stimulation that reaches the greater length of it under the surface. Think of it--what if the only part of a man's penis that was accessible was the head? Would he ever be able to get off?

Me, the tip of mine is way too sensitive even to touch. It's always a kind of "work around the danger zone" thing. And I can come without touching anything at all. But do I have a G-spot? Hell if I know. I've never come from being vaginally penetrated. I've never come while being vaginally penetrated. But that don't mean I don't enjoy it, lol.

And when you consider that there are hormones in semen--prostaglandins and prolactin--that facilitate bonding and happiness and show up in women's blood within hours of of an ejaculation inside the vagina...well, there's a lot to be said for fucking.

How's that for TMI? LOL

Jill Sorenson said...

Nancy Friday said the same thing. When a man (or a flawed survey) says there's no g-spot, we all roll our eyes. But what about when a well-respected female author comes to the same conclusion?

I agree with Kirsten that the g-spot is nothing more mysterious than the root of the clitoris. Is it there? Sure! I suppose it's just like other female parts, more sensitive in some women than others. But it's not a magic button that trumps clitoral stimulation--in my opinion.

Lessening the importance of the g-spot isn't a bad thing. Many women feel inadequate if they can't orgasm from penetration alone--and most women can't! The spotlight (heh) should be on the clitoris. The more men who understand that, the better.

Thanks for the discussion! Very interesting.

Cathy in AK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cathy in AK said...

Dudes, the clitoris is long. Like 4 inches long, and most of it is hidden inside the body. Seems likely that the G-spot is the root of the clitoris.

Now that you mention it, I recall reading something along that line as well, Kirsten. It has been a while, so no surprise I'm off.

I'd agree that engaging the G-spot isn't the end all and be all of satisfaction. More of a perk or fringe benefit--nice if you can get it : )

MB (Leah) said...

Jill, you bring up so many good points.

I think lessening the importance of the whole G-spot thing is fine and maybe good, but I'd hate if researchers deny it's existence just to make people feel better about themselves.

But what about when a well-respected female author comes to the same conclusion?

Well, that's just the thing in this case. The female author seems to want to dismiss the G-spot so that other females and men don't feel bad if they haven't found it. If she said that based on scientific fact that there is no spot and that what women who claim to have one feel is simply part of typical vaginal feeling, then I would agree with her.

I suppose it's just like other female parts, more sensitive in some women than others.

This is so true and why I think it's really hard to study something like this. I think for every woman there are different positions, or ways of being touched and stimulated that feel good. Some women can't get clitoral stimulation while having vaginal sex, while others can. A lot depends on the body type and body of the partner.

Some women can only orgasm if they are on top, or only through oral sex, or only through masturbatory stimulation either by themselves or by a partner.

So really, so many people having that expectation of that massive orgasm with G-spot seems so weird to me. And all that focus on the technical of it really takes away from the whole connecting with another human being in that.

And I think Kirsten is right about all of that down there being part of the clitoral nerve system. Women are so orgasmic!

Maybe what should be happening is that women shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of exploring their bodies to know what feels good or not. And shouldn't feel ashamed if they want to take charge of their orgasm with a partner who is a bit clueless.

Jill Sorenson said...

@MBLeah

I totally agree. The focus should be on finding out what feels good, and connecting with another person. But it does seem like "vaginal" orgasms are considered ideal. I know I felt like I was doing something wrong FOR YEARS because I didn't experience orgasm that way, and some of my friends have expressed the same concern to me.

kirstensaell said...

LOL, Jill. I lost my virginity young, and I think my only regret was giving other people access to my body before I understood what made it tick.

I figured there was something really wrong with me because all the heroines in romance novels just kinda... had them, most of the time from penetration alone. I had a boyfriend for 6 months when I was 16 and we'd been sexually active for most of that time and I still hadn't had the big O. I really figured there was something wonky about me. Or that it was his responsibility to give me one, and he just obviously sucked (which he kinda did, but that might not have been the case at all).

Then my mom--in a completely unrelated conversation, just discussing things in the abstract after reading a magazine article--said "if you can have one by yourself, you can have one with someone else". So I grabbed one of my dad's Penthouse mags and found an hour of privacy, and figured out how the buttons worked. And holy hell, what a revelation that was!

So I've told my daughter--she's 14--that she's absolutely never ever to have sex with anyone until she's given herself at least 50 orgasms. Find out just how the buttons work before you hand over the helm to someone else. I'm okay with her having sex (not this young, but eventually), but I don't want her to have the same feelings of confusion and doubt and guilt I had. And I don't want her to ever feel there's anything wrong with rubbing one off, either. A kinda "killing two birds with one stone" condition that I hope will help make her sex life, when she has one, healthy and fulfilling.

Boys start developing sexual agency the moment they stick their hand down their pants and discover something fun happens. Girls' bodies are more...mysterious. And girls are less likely to just take the bull by the horns and take charge of their own pleasure.

Me...well, I can have a billion great orgasms all by my lonesome. I don't have sex with people for the orgasm. I do that for something else, and when it's there, the orgasms happen...most of the time. When they don't, that's okay too. It's the intimacy I want, and the good feeling I get from pleasing a partner. The O is cream on the cake, really.

MB (Leah) said...

See, I guess I was very lucky because my first sexual experiences ended up in orgasm. Mostly through mutual masturbation. Then I did a lot on my own. ;) By the time I was ready to finally have vaginal sex, I knew what I was supposed to feel and I had several orgasms while loosing my virginity. It was very nice the whole thing.

All of those times I had an orgasm without my boyfriend actually touching the clit, but just by positioning in a way that it got stimulated along with the vaginal sex. So it never really occurred to me to care about specifically having an orgasm just by vaginal penetration.

It also never occurred to me that other women were even having problems because it was so easy for me. And if I didn't have an orgasm, it's just like Kirsten said, so what? Whatever connection I'm having with my partner is nice. Just cuddling is nice too.

Maybe it's a generational thing. I noticed that a lot of women who came of age during the late 60's early 70's seemed to be more sexually aware then those girls coming of age in the 80's.

I know that I was working in this place once during the early 90's with some college students and they told me no one really talked about sex, or had make out parties or any of that. I was a bit shocked because it seemed like kids then were more uptight or hush hush about sex even if having sex.

I think if I never could have an orgasm I'd be very uptight about it. But I guess I never understood why people get uptight about the whole having a vagina only orgasm.

I know it is possible because I've seen squirt vids in which a girls orgasm without clitoral stimulation, but I think it's a rare thing.

kirstensaell said...

I think a lot of women don't masturbate. And I think that's a huge problem right there. My boys were giving themselves boners and liking it from the time they were a year old. Oy, Blammo had his hand down his pants during his siblings' Christmas concert when he was 3, ffs. It was like a toy they could take anywhere.

But girls...we grow up with this enormous guilt complex around not just our bits (which are smelly and yucky, apparently), but around being sexual. We're supposed to be "good girls" and good girls don't self-pleasure. I actually like to put at least one female masturbation scene in all of my books, because I think it's kind of an empowering thing. It's your body. You get to do whatever the fuck you want with it.

Me, I masturbate often, even when I'm getting regular sex. Keeps things in tip-top shape, lol. It's all about sexual agency.