As some of you might be aware, today also marks the occasion of the Canadian federal election. Since there's really nothing less evocative of politics than dirty books, and since I am a sucker for the lol-speak, I'm asking for your best (that is, most bizarrely spelled, syntax-impaired, grammar-challenged) lolcat-style Canadian political campaign slogans. Extra points for every lame Canuck stereotype (beer, hockey, "eh", etc) you manage to include.
To assist those fortunate souls unfamiliar with the panoply of Canadian political pomposity, the candidates and their individual weirdnesses are as follows:
Liberal leader Stephane Dion, talks with the exact same mannerisms and inflection as my great aunt Lorette
NDP leader Jack Layton, has the front teeth of a bunny-rabbit. Also, a mustache. I just don't trust a straight guy with a mustache...
Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe, evil overlord extraordinaire
Green Party leader Elizabeth May, crazy cat lady
Conservative leader and incumbent PM Stephen Harper, the quintessential Blue Meanie
Now I know, Ms. May just screams potential for lolcat goodness, but please, do not neglect the rest of this motley crew. Gimme some insanity. Do your worst.
And once you're done, to cleanse your palate, read this blammo, girl-on-girl excerpt:
Scowling at the blank leather surface, Kaela hammered her bandaged fists into it, harder and faster. A patch of sweat plastered her shirt to the center of her back, and tendrils of her hair had escaped her braid to stick to her face. Her breasts jiggled enticingly with every blow, her nipples poking against the thin linen of her borrowed shirt.Lianon dragged her gaze from them, and refocused her attention on the motion of Kaela’s arms. "From the shoulder," she instructed. "Put your whole body into it."
Another few punches, and Kaela sagged against the sparring form, panting. "Enough, Lianon," she gasped with a weary smile. "I’m tired."
"Are you?" Lianon asked. Her belly coiled at the sight of the other woman’s arms wrapped around the form, her breasts pressed against it, imagining them pressed like that against Gil’s chest. "How tired?"
Hearing the change in her voice, Kaela aimed a surprised glance at her, laughing giddily. "Lianon? Lianon, it’s the middle of the afternoon!"
Lianon grinned, remembering a lazy morning spent abed exploring Kaela’s deliciously curvy body, before chores had forced them to rise. "I know what time it is. Come here."
Kaela’s cheeks filled with color, but her eyes were suddenly all heat. She straightened, her smile evaporating as she stepped into Lianon’s waiting arms.
Their lips met, parted. Tongues dueled and danced as an already familiar need leapt between them. Lianon plundered deep into the moist heat of Kaela’s mouth, tilting her head to deepen the kiss. She wrapped her arms tight around the other woman, reveling in the feel of Kaela’s heavy breasts pressing against her own smaller ones.
Stumbling a little, she walked Kaela backward toward the wall and pushed her up against it. Her hands slid down to cup Kaela’s ass, so gorgeously outlined in Gil’s trousers. Dipping low, her fingers brushed against the seam that covered Kaela’s sex. She was rewarded by a sigh of sweet breath into her mouth.
Tearing her lips away from Kaela’s, Lianon kissed a path across her cheek to her ear, then began a slow, torturous descent down the side of her neck. "God, you’re so fucking beautiful," she whispered, echoing words Gil had said to her so often the last six months. This body, these curves, this woman in her arms felt like coming home. Like bread and wine and a kindling hearth after a long day of toil. Reaching down with one hand, she freed two buttons at the waist of Kaela’s trousers and slipped her hand inside.
Swollen flesh slicked with lust greeted her questing fingers. Sucking the skin at Kaela’s shoulder, Lianon found the rigid nub of her clit and flicked her fingertip across it.
"Ah, Lianon…" Kaela gasped, her bandaged hands buried clumsily in Lianon’s hair, guiding her head down to her breasts. Through the linen of Kaela’s shirt, Lianon took a pebbled nipple into her mouth, suckling delicately before moving to its twin. Her fingers slid further into Kaela’s slit, circling her opening. Slowly, carefully, she pushed one finger inside. Paused as the other woman’s inner muscles accustomed themselves to the invasion. Slid a little deeper.
"Lianon?" A thread of worry had woven into the arousal in Kaela’s voice.
Lianon lifted her head, caught Kaela’s gaze and held it. Saw the uncertainty there. She kept her finger where it was, and drew slow circles around Kaela’s clit with her thumb. "Do you trust me?" she whispered.
Forget the candidates, I vote for Lianon!
Purchase Bound by Steel here, or read another steamy excerpt here.
ETA: contest deadline is Friday, Oct 17, winner announced Saturday.