A Swithin Spin I: A Queen’s Moveby Sharon Maria Bidwell
2009
Fantasy/ F/F- bisexual
48K- $5.99
Ebook
Buy it Loose-ID, Fictionwise
Tressa, the Swithin Queen, doesn't always manage to act as a lady should. Her marriage is one of duty, though not without love. Even so, Markis, her husband, is happy for her to try a softer, feminine touch, if it means that Tressa finally finds true love. Meira is half Swithin and even though she's a great healer, some look upon her heritage with suspicion. Still, she's stronger than that; what others think of her has never mattered...so why is it suddenly important to her that Tressa looks at her with love? Why does she want to protect Tressa even if it means possibly failing to do the right thing? Will the nation be able to stand up to the two women? Even more importantly, how will Tressa and Meira manage their dominant natures between the sheets?
A Queen’s Move is one of those books that’s hard to write a review for. While I didn’t hate this book, I didn’t love it either. Something was missing for me in both the love story and the general cohesiveness of the several story lines going on, but there were some things that I enjoyed about it.
Tressa is the Swithin Queen by marriage. The Swithin are a race of socially enlightened people who honor the rights both men and women equally. Sexually the Swithin are very open and have no judgments about gender preferences, only that it’s OK to love whomever you love. They’re also very powerful in this universe and so they hold much sway.
Tressa was born to the king of the Azulite, a race of people who are dominated by men. Women have absolutely no rights at all, are not allowed to even think for themselves and are forced to be completely subservient to men. Tressa escaped being forced into marriage by running away and marrying the king of Swithin, Markis. While their marriage is one of convenience---Markis is a gay man with two partners--- they do have a mutual love and respect for each other. So when Tressa expresses her desire to be with a woman, he supports her.
Tressa wants to go back to her home country to try and open them up and enlighten them on the errors of their archaic ways and takes Meira with her for support. Meira was born of parents of two races. Because of her parents intermarrying from two warring races, they were slaughtered and Meira was raised as a slave basically, being abused both sexually and mentally. She’s now a healer and Tressa is in love with her, although Tressa is reluctant express that to Meira. Meira feels this attraction but is reticent and doesn’t want to get emotionally involved. It’s only when they are jailed together by the Azulite that they do something about what they feel.
There are several issues I had with this book. The main problem for me was the lack of oomph or juice in this story. I got bored quite often and really pushed myself to keep reading this book. To be fair, I will chalk some of it up to my mood. However, there were some concrete problems that I can identify as to why this book didn’t quite pop for me.
Unfortunately, this book starts out really slow and doesn’t get much better until the very end. In the first chapter there’s hardly any dialogue and it’s about Tressa and Meira basically ignoring each other or being perfunctory on their way to Tressa’s homeland. While they are busy not talking, Tressa’s inner dialogue goes on and on though, explaining the back story of this Swithin world, which bored and confused me since until that point, I had no investment in the current story or the characters.
Another issue; I felt no heat between Tressa and Meira. Tressa supposedly has it really bad for Meira. And Meira is attracted to Tressa, but likes to keep her distance and acts rather cool with Tressa. When Meira, who is bisexual, finally seduces Tressa, Tressa retracts from Meira, suddenly fearing and wondering if she really can be with a woman since she has no experience.
I felt these constant reservations going on between the two and didn’t really believe that they want or need each other badly enough. In the end when they do finally open up to each other totally, it’s rather bland as they discuss rationally, rather than passionately act out, their feelings for each other.
Then there was problem in which I felt that the focus of this story was not very clear. It wasn’t completely about Meira and Tressa’s love story as there were other story lines going on. There’s a major story line of Tressa’s brother being in love with a woman who loves another woman in a society where that is strictly forbidden and Tressa trying to help him. I thought that this part might be used as an excuse for Meira and Tressa to get closer, and they do to a degree.
Again though, there was no passion that came from that for Tressa and Meira; it was all about the brother and the relationship between his love Kiana and Helsa. I actually felt more passion going on between Kiana and Helsa. Probably because they are doomed living in a place that they can be killed for being together, unlike Meira and Tressa who are free to love in Swithin territory and don’t have to fight for their love.
Another story thread running through this book was Tressa going home with this idealistic idea of trying to change the attitudes of her people. The Azulites are written as so misogynistic that it was clear to me right from the beginning that Tressa doesn’t even have a chance and that she’s basically got her head in the clouds chasing windmills. I really didn’t get why she thought she could change a whole nation’s way of thinking just like that. So that part of the story was unbelievable to me and felt contrived as an excuse to throw all these characters together.
Within this I felt there was too much of an underlying general social statement going on about the persecution of women and homosexuals by men, which negatively colored things for me.
On a positive note, I do admit that I liked the contrast of the Azulite race being so anti women with the Swithin being so open and conscientious as a people. It did make for some good conflict in this story. And I felt this world in general to be an interesting backdrop for character growth and the concept itself is unique.
The sex scenes between the women were also nicely written. And the story did pick up with some major action at the end, which I think helped my overall opinion of this story. I think if you like fantasy this book might appeal to you. As a f/f love story I wish it had more passion to it, which I think was possible due to the cultural and racial differences.
Sex rating: Wet panties: f/f. fairly graphic sexual language and scenarios, minor anal. Barely described fisting.
Grade: C-
For another review, which might help you better understand this book: Rainbow Reviews.
14 comments:
Hmmm...Leah, after reading your review, I checked out the Rainbow link.
I've always considered your reviews and commentary very insightful, so your "lukewarm" feeling and inability to like or dislike this book warranted investigation IMHO.
The Rainbow review included a brief excerpt of "A Queen's Move." I think part of the issue with this particular book might be the underdeveloped writing style and quality. After reading the first paragraph of the excerpt, I recognized the story could have used better editing. Not necessarily for the grammar and spelling so much as structure.
The writing style bored you because it was tedious, repetitive, and lengthier than it needed to be. It needs to be "tightened up." In the first paragraph, the words "so" and "was" are way overused.
"The kiss WAS wonderful.."
"Tressa WAS so lost..."
"The touch WAS light..."
"...it WAS a difference..."
Variety in wording and sentence structure are vital in the writing industry, particularly in the days where attention spans run shorter than ever and a 40k-word manuscript is considered a novel.
Sometimes, "less is more."
I just did a quick "sample edit." The edit is 11 words shorter than the original, a little less repetitive (at least in wording). It's a bit "tighter" and "flows faster"
ORIGINAL:
“The kiss was wonderful; so soft, so insistent, and Meira’s tongue demanding. Tressa was so lost in the dance that she almost groaned when she felt Meira’s fingers trialing over her skin. The touch was light, tickled and teased, the woman’s hands much smaller and softer than Markis’s touch. Not better exactly, just different, and it was a difference she liked.”
SAMPLE EDIT:
“Meira’s demanding tongue swept across the tender interior of her lover’s lower lip. Tressa groaned, lost in the dance of Meira’s fingers trailing over Tressa’s fevered skin. The woman’s touch, teasing and light, tickled Tressa. Meira’s supple hands were smaller than Marki’s, not better, exactly, but Tressa liked the difference.”
I have to agree with Mia. I tried to read this book and got as far as chapter 2 before I gave up. Most of the first chapter was backstory, infodump and the kind of distant, analytical pondering of feelings you might get from a psychology textbook on relationship dynamics. I kept expecting an "inasmuch as" or "heretofore" to make the feel of dry academe really come through.
I'm not a fan of angsting, but at least it's got some emotional oomph. But Tressa's contemplation of her feelings wasn't even angsting. It was almost clinical. Very dry.
And all the backstory, and all at once, so I couldn't sort what might be relevant from what wasn't. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when author's spend pages and pages rehashing what happened in previous books--it's why I couldn't stick with Robert Jordan beyond book 4 of his Wheel of Time.
I mean, if it isn't relevant to the scene (or the book), it doesn't really need to be there. Even if it does, it doesn't always need to be explained, per se. I'd rather have a reader close one of my books thinking "I wish I knew more about this world," than struggling to assimilate facts and details that weren't even pertinent to the plot of the story in question.
I also tried to read Uly's Comet, an earlier book in the series. It held me longer (I think because the first bit was about street kids, and urchins always interest me), but soon fell prey to the same issues I had with this one.
It does seem to be a common new writer's mistake, to want to exposit all over the place and not leave the reader wondering about anything, but Ms. Bidwell isn't new to the craft. She's written for a butt-load of different publishers, so I have to assume it's more a conflict of style than a complete lack of writing chops.
It didn't work for me, but it might for someone else. Who knows?
It does seem to be a common new writer's mistake, to want to exposit all over the place and not leave the reader wondering about anything, but Ms. Bidwell isn't new to the craft. She's written for a butt-load of different publishers, so I have to assume it's more a conflict of style than a complete lack of writing chops.
In my opinion, a good, attentive editor should have been "hip" to these kinds of things and made the author aware of them.
Even competent, well-seasoned writers have their "quirks" and they need good critique partners and editors to help "spot check" them and keep them "in good game."
I feel the willingness of e-publishers and SOME writers to release "good enough" manuscripts as opposed to their very best work is one of the issues preventing some readers from taking the epublishing industry seriously and expecting consistency in quality.
In my opinion, a good, attentive editor should have been "hip" to these kinds of things and made the author aware of them.
I agree. Then again, I often wonder, if Tolkien had subbed TLOTR to an agent these days, if he would have stood a chance. And yet people still enjoy his work, and he seduces virgin readers every year.
I sometimes wonder if my standards are simply too high. I'm a self-proclaimed f/f aficionada, and yet only about 20% (if that) of the f/f and f/f/m I've read (or tried to read) appeals to me at all--the rest are DNF. I insist fantasy is my favorite genre, yet I think my ratio of pearls to duds is even lower for fantasy than for f/f.
So sometimes I do have to concede that it is just me.
Still, as an author I can say that I'd have written those first two chapters very differently, and they'd likely have been about a tenth as long, lol. But then again, my editor has never had to ask me to cut anything, and has only ever requested I add a couple of paragraphs to a manuscript.
And I don't use betas or crit partners, either. Yet edits on my work are minimal--almost non-existent. I don't know what that means, other than my standards for myself are as high as my standards for other authors?
Certainly makes it hard to enjoy a book sometimes...
I agree. Then again, I often wonder, if Tolkien had subbed TLOTR to an agent these days, if he would have stood a chance. And yet people still enjoy his work, and he seduces virgin readers every year.
Obviously, Tolkien, Dickens, Thackeray, Jules Verne, Jane Austen, and likely many other authors popular for their time would not stand a chance in the current market. More likely than not, they might tell the same stories but their style and structure would be adapted to current trends.
I sometimes wonder if my standards are simply too high. I'm a self-proclaimed f/f aficionada, and yet only about 20% (if that) of the f/f and f/f/m I've read (or tried to read) appeals to me at all--the rest are DNF. I insist fantasy is my favorite genre, yet I think my ratio of pearls to duds is even lower for fantasy than for f/f.
So sometimes I do have to concede that it is just me.
Taste is a subjective thing.
I don't use betas or crit partners, either. Yet edits on my work are minimal--almost non-existent. I don't know what that means, other than my standards for myself are as high as my standards for other authors?
I have a friend who betas for me, but I'm mainly seeking her opinion as far as "enjoyment factor" on a story goes. I value the opinions of the editors I work with, and I learn a lot from them most of the time. That said...I have to admit I've never worked with an editor who did a better job on editing my work than I did. Even after I receive the galley, I'm often doing additional corrections on the manuscript the editor missed and I missed in the preparation process.
That said...I have to admit I've never worked with an editor who did a better job on editing my work than I did. Even after I receive the galley, I'm often doing additional corrections on the manuscript the editor missed and I missed in the preparation process.
Heh. I read galleys of my print books about ten months after my last edits on a manuscript (up to six month after the book has released in e-format), and I sometimes find myself shuddering at three "nipple"s in one paragraph, or the occasional subject/verb disagreement. My editors (content and copy) tend to ferret out continuity errors and occasional redundancies.
But yes, taste is subjective. I write the kinds of books I like to read. And the biggest thing for me is "show, don't tell". Let the reader infer information from the subtext. No need to apply it with a sledgehammer. And if there's navel-gazing going on, make it vibrant. Make me feel it. Don't get all explainy. I mean, I'm not in the second grade. You don't need to tell me why a character is upset--just put me in the moment and I'll figure it out.
I suppose others might feel differently, though...
You know it's so interesting to me when authors comment because in a way, you guys have insight into the more technical aspects of writing, which I don't notice.
I did highlight quite a few pages in this book to add to my review as an example for what I meant about boring and lack of passion.
When I looked back on them though, they didn't seem to really express what I felt viscerally.
As a whole, I felt what I expressed in my review, but if I would have had to find a specific passage that showed what I meant, in this case, I couldn't find one specifically.
What you did Mia and Kirsten, was point out what I picked up on a feeling level, but which I didn't really notice or couldn't put my finger on, on a technical level.
It goes to show that even if a reader is not technically inclined or knowledgeable as a writer or editor is, unconsciously, the way a book is written outside of the story itself, can affects us and our feeling about the book.
Leah, being technical is good in some ways, but it can be a downfall too because being a writer myself, I've had to step away from being too technical. The writing can become too mechanical. A writer can get too lost in the dos and don'ts, the grammar and the faux pas. That's why I can't read when I'm in my edit phase because when I start reading for pleasure, I can't switch myself out of "edit" mode. I wish my brain worked like it once did.
But for the reader, in the end, it's ultimately up to what you guys want. You know if a story flows well for you and if it doesn't. I like the "innocence" readers bring to the table when they read a story and point out what works and doesn't work for them. Oftentimes, their problems are in line with what the professionals find wrong or maybe problems pros should take note of.
I agree with the others about the long, drawn out sentence structures, and I thought the author did far too much telling and not enough showing, even in the love scene I read. The characters were too much in their heads and not enough real action.
Many small e-pubs can't afford real editors so they use other writers, other writers who have published with them. I know a couple of e-pubs who have writers I know and they're writing is pretty much in the same vein as this book. Once, an author posted an excerpt on a board I belong to and everyone else was gung ho about it. I pointed out some things which could strengthen her writing, and to add some commas and lose the typos. I was nice. She came back at me with the "I haven't edited it yet. I have fans and they don't have a problem with my writing and I have so and so many books out, I put it up to get an opinion of the story, not my typos and my commas . . .," blah blah blah. You're on an author board where there are possible agents and other professionals hanging out and it's okay to put unedited material up without bothering to say you haven't edited it yet? Carry on then. And she's published and she has her fans. So what do I know.
I'm always looking to get better. I always listen to what people have to say. I don't run myself ragged changing everything. Still, I thank them for taking the time.
What you did Mia and Kirsten, was point out what I picked up on a feeling level, but which I didn't really notice or couldn't put my finger on, on a technical level.
It goes to show that even if a reader is not technically inclined or knowledgeable as a writer or editor is, unconsciously, the way a book is written outside of the story itself, can affects us and our feeling about the book.
Agreed.
For the record, I did not mean to imply that the book reviewed is a "bad" book. To my mind, however, it's not as polished as it could be. Getting too involved in repetitive details can bog the story down and impact pacing.
To another reader with a love of detail, this might read as a really great book.
I think a lot depends upon a reader's expectations and taste. There's NYT betsellers I consider absolute garbage, but millions of readers would not agree with me.
Chaeya: Leah, being technical is good in some ways, but it can be a downfall too because being a writer myself, I've had to step away from being too technical. The writing can become too mechanical. A writer can get too lost in the dos and don'ts, the grammar and the faux pas.
Agreed, again. There is such a thing as "too much of a good thing." I've had editors want every adverb and dialogue tag stipped out a book in the name of "good technical writing."
That said, I stick to the idea that "less is more." A good writer should be able to pinpoint what they're communicating in their writing. S/he should be able to use expression that is tight, insightful, and pleasant to read.
In the words of Stephen King, "I'm more a putter-inner than a taker-outer." In my editing stages, my manuscripts always increase in word count BUT it's (hopefully) GOOD increase. Once I weed out the weaker, redundant writing, I've got "more room" to polish and to include details I couldn't include previously.
I have no problem with rules being bent or even broken in the interest of creating good fiction. That said, the rules are a helpful guideline in crafting flowing fiction enjoyable to the recreational reader.
I don't mind reading a 120k-word novel if it's a good, informative, well-crafted novel. But if it's basically a "word-padded" manuscript, I feel cheated (of my time taken to read it.)
She came back at me with the "I haven't edited it yet. I have fans and they don't have a problem with my writing and I have so and so many books out, I put it up to get an opinion of the story, not my typos and my commas . . .," blah blah blah.
This is an interesting reaction to me. I think anyone, in any profession, and even non pro reviewers like me, can always learn something from what people say. At least take it in. You can always reject it later if you feel you are correct.
There's been a few blog posts lately and discussion on Twitter about authors not taking reviews/ criticism well. It's an ongoing thing that doesn't go away.
There is one author on my facebook who bitched about a review and all her author friends came on and were like that bitch reviewer, what does she know and so on. I've never read that author or heard of her other than she asked me to be a friend, so I went looking for that review.
The reviewer had the same issues I had with this book. She pointed them out clearly and basically said that there was too much redundancy and it was boring. And it had the same issues as this book, all talk and no show.
The reviewer did get a bit personal, saying that the author needs to go back and learn her craft a bit better before putting that kind of crap out. She also blamed the epub for even picking up that book and not really editing it properly.
So I can understand the author being upset, but really, from the examples that the reviewer gave of the writing, it was awful.
Then today that author did some more bitching.
If were her though, I would have taken that criticism and thought about it. Because the reviewer didn't just say this book sucks, she clearly pointed out the issues.
On top of that, the author looks like child having a temper tantrum. On face book it's not only your BFF's on there, it's all friends that can see what you are saying.
She came back at me with the "I haven't edited it yet. I have fans and they don't have a problem with my writing and I have so and so many books out, I put it up to get an opinion of the story, not my typos and my commas . . .," blah blah blah.
This is an interesting reaction to me. I think anyone, in any profession, and even non pro reviewers like me, can always learn something from what people say. At least take it in. You can always reject it later if you feel you are correct.
There's been a few blog posts lately and discussion on Twitter about authors not taking reviews/ criticism well. It's an ongoing thing that doesn't go away.
I think the authors less receptive to criticism are authors who enter the writing profession for reasons beyond wanting to produce good quality work product.
I had to stop providing critique to a writer friend when it became clear she was seeking compliments and adulation, not honest critique of her work.
I think some writers enter epublishing seeking a sense of emotional validation or ego boost. When I hear a writer going on and on about fans and sales figures more than producing quality work, I don't consider that person a "real writer." They're seeking "celebrity" and adulation, and for them the writing is a sideline to procure it.
Readers (I prefer the term readers to fans; I am a writer, not a pop star) are wonderful. Good sales figures are great. But even if my book flops in sales I still want the personal satisfaction of giving my best to that book.
Regarding reviews, I can learn a lot from articulate, well-written reviewing. Sometimes a BAD review can be more helpful than a positive one, IF the reviewer articulates what s/he found "lacking" in the book.
On the other hand, many e-book reviewers are not professionally qualified to provide insightful reviewing.
"The Garden House" once received a 4-star rating, but the reviewer complained "parts of it were boring." I wanted to slap her, not because she was bored, but because she could not articulate what bored her and why.
"The Garden House" and "Fixation" have both received reviews from reviewers who complained they "wanted to know more" about alternative storylines and characters. One reviewer even noted "This book is a paranormal romance novel, I wanted to know this, that, and the other."
I replied, politely, "The book is not a paranormal romance novel, it is a paranormal romance novella, less than half the word count of a novel. Not a whole lot of room for subplots and additional development beyond the main components of the story."
Reviews like that frustrate me because reviews are a form or promotion for an author and inept reviewers can make a book sound like it is inferior in some way, not because the book itself is poorly written or lacked entertainment factors, but because they're evaluating the book with the wrong criteria.
If you compare a luxury cottage to a luxury mansion, obviously the mansion is bigger and features more amenities the cottage can't match. It's not a fair comparison. If something's wrong with my book, please tell me what's wrong, but don't complain that my well-crafted 23k-word novella isn't as developed and detailed as a 65k+-word novel.
On the other hand, many e-book reviewers are not professionally qualified to provide insightful reviewing.
Actually, most of us aren't. I'm not talking about the more well known review sites that all authors post their glowing reviews from, even though many of those sites don't have Pro reviewers either.
"The Garden House" and "Fixation" have both received reviews from reviewers who complained they "wanted to know more" about alternative storylines and characters. One reviewer even noted "This book is a paranormal romance novel, I wanted to know this, that, and the other."
You know, this is something difficult for me as well. Many novellas and short stories aren't developed in certain areas of a book and things are lacking at times.
I never know quite then how to judge a book. In general, I tend to give lower grades to short stories only because it's extremely rare for me to read a short story that is all around complete and developed. So I can't judge it against a full novel really.
It'd almost be more proper to have different rating systems so that Novellas and short stories would be compared only against other stories of the same length.
I think though, that different readers are going to focus on different things in a book.
With The Garden House I was quite satisfied with the paranormal aspect as I didn't feel that the main focus of the story was the paranormal world. What jumped out at me was the relationship between the characters and their personalities, which is what I get off on in books.
Sometimes, yes, when there is exceptional world building it's a huge turn on, but most short stories and novellas aren't about world building but characters and relationships and if you get a decent background world then great.
But other readers might be reading it for the world building and then they will judge a book as such.
I still think though, that it's a reviewers job to state what they felt. In that case, the reviewer felt the paranormal world wasn't as built up as she would have liked. This is good info for another reader who either could care less about that and will look past that part of the review, or it's good info for the reader who needs that and will get pissed if they buy the book and it's not there.
I would have to read those reviews but in general, I don't think it's a bad thing if a reader was so curious about a world that didn't go into to much depth that they would comment on it.
I've read some short stories where the world has been very interesting and I wanted to know more. It was so good that I wished the author did go more into it. But it's not a criticism as much as this turned me on and I want more of it.
I think people reading reviews can judge for themselves and distinguish between facts of the book and what's personal taste to the reviewer.
Sometimes a reviewer can say, I didn't like this book because it was all BDSM. Well, if I love BDSM, then shazam, you know? I want this book. If I don't like BDSM, well then good to know it. That's a personal judgment that says nothing really about the writing style or whys and wherefores about the book, but it's definitely info a reader would like to know.
Personally, as a reviewer, I would love for an author to ask me what I meant by something and comment to me when they think I might have gotten something wrong. I know that it's frowned upon for authors to say anything really, but I'd also like to do better in my reviewing and get some feed back.
I think it's perfectly OK for an author to say something, they just have to be careful how they come across and in many cases it's a lose/lose for the author.
But for me, I like to do the best that I can do and not just say a book sucked or blew me away without trying to articulate it.
Well, Leah, I somewhat agree and I somewhat disagree.
Some people enjoy reading short stories, some people prefer lengthy novels. It's a matter of taste, and I'm not going to question or criticize personal taste.
That said, if a rewviewer does not know and understand the technical differences between a short story, a novella, and a novel...Well, how can a person be expected to offer a reasonable opinion on a work s/he does not really know how to analyze?
A short story features different elements and technique than a novella, which is different from a novel, and so on.
Compare Edgar Allan Poe's "Fall of the House of Usher" (short story) to Stephen King's extended novel, "The Shining." Both are well-written pieces penned by competent authors. Both are dramatic horror stories focussing upon mentally ill, drug-dependant men who end up either murdering or attempting to murder close family members. Both stories introduce effective horror elements and drama, including isolated locations, supernatural atmosphere, and a family history of mental illness and/or physical illness and abuse.
Both pieces have artistic merit and were well-received by their respective audiences. However, there is no denying the structure and style of the two stories are very different. To attempt to credit one at the expense of the other does a disservice to the authors, their works, and their audience/s.
I have the deepest admiration for good "short" writers. That's not where my strength lies, and I am fascinated by people able to pack all the pertinent elements of a good well-rounded story into a little bitty package.
That said, when I read Poe or anybody else's short story, I understand there are different elements in the story I will not find in a novel-length work. To expect the elements of a novel-length piece (more detailed character development, multiple sub-plots, additional world-building, etc.) in a shorter work sets the reader up for disappointment.
If a person who prefers driving a trusty pickup truck finds himself driving a two-door compact hatchback, when asked for an opinion, the person might say, "I dislike it. I like more room to tote my stuff." The two-door hatchback might be a great car, run well, and so on, but if it is being judged on the same criteria as an oversized pickup truck, it's going to come up lacking.
A more analytical person such as myself would quirk my brow and say, "Oh? So you dislike the hatchback 'cause it's not a truck?" But a lot of people would just nod and, if they trust the person's opinion, dimiss hatchbacks as "bad cars."
That's just my opinion.
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