Monday, April 12, 2010

Yes, I'm not around these days

No this pic has nothing to do with anything. I was looking for a pic using the search term "busy" and this came up. Seriously? Busy showers? I wonder what type of place this is? Maybe a swimming pool shower?

Sorry folks, but I'm so swamped with school work this quarter having taken more credits than the norm for full time. Shamefully, I'm still reading the same book I've been reading for two weeks. Alas, no time for it.

So, I'm stealing other bloggers' posts to offer something.

Today on AfterEllen, there were two articles posted about why more females are coming out as lesbian or bisexual these days.

The first guy from Psychology Today posted this.

I read it first and took umbrage to a few things. Particularly to his correlation that teenage boys watching porn makes girls come out as lesbian or bisexual. That was totally off to me. So, boys looking at porn makes girls gay or bisexual? That makes TOTAL sense. :/ sarcasm.

And guys have been jerks all through history and still the majority of women are heterosexual, so guys being jerks aren't the reason either. Although I suspect it's the reason some women turn to other women in some cases.

Then I read an article from Psych Central, which disputes the first article. You can read it here.

I think their version is more correct. I agree and think that women's sexuality is more malleable and that women are more likely to be open to blurring the boundaries than men. And, we are living in a time when it's more acceptable to be out there.

The other day in school, a girl was sharing that her friend buys from estate sales and she read a diary of a woman who lived to be 90 years old and died years ago. In this diary, this women wrote how even though she was married, she had a long term lesbian affair. She wrote how it had to be kept quite and that they never spoke of it to anyone. This woman also said that having to sneak around and having such an illicit affair was part of the attraction and fun.

This classmate telling this was shocked at that. But for me, I was a bit fascinated. I would love to read that diary. It goes show that yes, there have been lesbians and bisexuals all along, it's just never been OK to announce it to the world.

On to other things: Leigh Ellwood has a new book out- I rather liked the one short story she wrote Where Angels Dare to Tread so I'll probably give this one a shot.

Share Some More
$.79 at DLP Store

The sequel to Share. Marissa enjoys her friends with benefits arrangement with roommate Nell, but lately the twinge of jealousy makes it difficult to have fun. Between a professor persistent on employing her for dubious acts and her jealousy toward the latest object of Nell's affection, Marissa wonders how much longer she can share herself. Will she stop, or risk it all to share her love with Nell?

By the way- I went to DLP books, where this one is sold and all of Ms. Ellwood's books are sold there cheaper than ARe, or Fictionwise. And she uses paypal, so no need to worry if you don't want to give information.

Other F/F by Leigh Ellwood:

$. 79 at DLP

Desperate to achieve release with a little help from her trusty toy, Marissa tries to be discreet and not disturb her roommate. Nell, however, is quick to convince Marissa to change her plans…and to share more than her battery-operated pet.

Last Call
$. 79 DLP Books

Dejected and depressed, Janet Stanton hopes her nightly walk will improve her mood. The end of the road leads her to her best friend and a shocking revelation that could change her life. Is Janet willing to take that important first step toward love, or will she miss the last call?

I have this book, but haven't read it yet.

Another book coming out from Loose-Id, but I'm not sure when as there's no date attached, is this one.

Dancing with Venus
by Roscoe James
Lesbian or f/f, don't know yet

No info on this one yet: neither price, nor blurb, nor date coming out. But click the title above to get to the page for it.

I have heard that a man wrote this, which makes me a bit curious. I think so far I've only read one f/f from a man, Blood Creek Haunting. I thought the f/f relationship in that book was nicely done. So it could be interesting.


JenB said...

boys + pr0n = gay girls

Hmm...that's a new one for me. LOL

I've still never read Leigh Ellwood. I should remedy that!

And most books in Loose Id's Coming Soon section come out within a month to six weeks of hitting that page. So...May, maybe?

LVLM said...

Jen- I really liked the one Leigh Ellwood book that I read. The story was just OK, but I loved her writing. Was very crisp and clean. I'll probably pick up her other books as well.

Ok, nice to get an idea of when that Loose-Id book is coming out. Would be nice they would post a blurb and rough idea of a date, but I guess that's the way it is.

And yeah, I wonder at the guy, a long time therapist, thinking earlier and more exposure to porn is the reason girls are bi now. WTF? Idiot.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'd love to read that diary. I'm sure it's fascinating.

If porn makes girls bi, then how come I'm not? My teenage male cousin used to make me sit on the porch and act as lookout so that I could warn him if my parents were headed inside. I was just a kid! We had satellite of the unscrambled variety at the time, so he came over a lot and was always willing to babysit. That's kind of creepy isn't it? I will say that he never let me actually see what was going on, but I did catch a glimpse of the tv screen every now and then. I couldn't eat carrots for a long time after one particular glance.

LVLM said...

Eyre- I'd love to read that diary as well. My classmate said it was quite detailed. She was rather embarrassed to read it since it was so intimate. Even though the woman had died long before. Would be an interesting read I think.

I think that therapist was trying to say that because boys are looking at porn nowadays at a much younger age, they have idealistic views of what a girlfriend should look and act like and become jerks because of it. This turns girls off and they become lesbians.

Really. What a crock. If boys being jerks were the criteria to make girls bi and lez then I'd say the percentage would be a whole lot higher of girls being bi or lez. And it would have happened long before now.

Cathy in AK said...

Was that first psycholigist taking some sort of credit on behalf of the male gender for "turning" girls?

That diary does sound interesting. I haven't read much in the way of actual historical accounts of lesbian and bi women, but the fictional ones (you rock, Sarah Waters!) describe suppressing urges or hiding affairs for fear of discovery. Criminal prosecution was the norm. Women exchanged letters and were able to express their love for their "great friends" to a degree, but they still had to be careful. That old woman's long-term affair would have been quite dangerous and exciting, to be sure.

Hang in there with school, LVLM! You rock too! : )

M. A. said...

I think that therapist was trying to say that because boys are looking at porn nowadays at a much younger age, they have idealistic views of what a girlfriend should look and act like and become jerks because of it. This turns girls off and they become lesbians.

I don't think this is so far off base depending upon an individual's susceptibility to outside influences.

Every so often some new study shows up promoting ideas of self-image and body image suffering due to unrealistic ideals presented in the entertainment industry.

If the young men in one's peer group are all questing for "porn star girlfriends," then young women in that group may feel pressure to conform to that "ideal" in order to attract and retain a boyfriend. Even if it means engaging in bisexual/lesbian behavior ("real" or "fake.")

I don't think porn-addicted boys are a direct cause of bi/lesbian girls, but I do see how porn-addicted boys with unrealistic expectations might contribute to an environment where bi/lesbian girls are more likely to discover same sex attraction at an earlier age and feel more comfortable exploring that option.

kirsten saell said...

I think it is something to think about--if we're trying to find a way to "blame" boys' consumption of porn for girls "turning" bi or lesbian--that perhaps boys come to expect that girls should behave the way they do in porn (performing together for the gratification of men), girls give it a try in an effort to attract those boys, and discover they like it.

Or, alternately, boys' viewing of porn means that f/f and f/f/m is becoming normalized in the young mindset, and girls who might already have had those attractions feel more free to explore them.

But I don't believe it "turns" a girl gay/bi--girls who discover they like girls because they pulled a Katy Perry are probably already sexually fluid. And I know women who Katy Perry for all they're worth, but "it's just messing around, I'm straight", so it certainly doesn't "turn" a girl bi. It might cause a bi girl to realize she's bi, tho, or the acceptance inherent in the Katy Perry mindset might cause her to feel okay coming out as bi.

As for the "boys are jerks" thing? I don't think it's anything to do with "jerkiness" per se, but I found an interesting tidbit of information in this article, that states: "Bisexual males and bisexual females both report similar levels of erotic excitement with male and female partners. However, both males and females report more emotional satisfaction with female partners." As well as "Both male and female bisexuals report falling in love with women more often than with men, although many report falling in love with both genders."

If even bisexual males are more likely to feel emotionally connected with women than with men, well...something to think about.

It's strange, because in re to my own bisexuality, I'm all for casual, no strings sex--with men, and have had more than one available male FWB on my roster at times. But the idea of having casual, NSA sex with multiple female partners (at the same time or separately)? Does not appeal to me at all.

Is it that for me, a large part of the erotic attraction of women is the emotional intimacy? And if that's the case, perhaps there is something to that article.

LVLM said...

Cathy- I've been meaning to read Sarah Waters. I just looked her up in my library and see that two of her books (stories) are on DVD. Maybe I'll watch "Tipping the Velvet" on DVD since I have so much resistance to reading a paper book.

There was a family member whom I remember my parents and grandparents talking about that she was a little too "close" with a female friend and they were worried about. This family member was sent overseas to be a missionary and again, there were strong rumors of her getting too "close" to a woman. She was sent back for a psych eval from the church and forced to go through therapy until she was magically "cured". This was the 50's-60's. So yeah, it wasn't something to yap about.

She's since been married twice. I reckon though that even if she were to have grown up in my generation she would still have to hide or be conflicted because it goes against her religious beliefs. I would love to talk to her about it, but I'm sure it's not a subject she likes to think about. She even dissed my lesbian sister for years.

M.A.- I agree that guys watching porn now at a younger age would indirectly affect what they want from a girl and how a girl might do things with other girls to satisfy that. In the process, a girls might find that they like being with another girl.

And I also agree that I don't think it "makes" a girl a lesbian or bi. Although I do know of one instance in which a friend had a 3 year relationship with a woman who got her out of an abusive marriage.

This plays into the results of the article that Kirsten posted.

That both men and women tend to see relationships with women for emotional satisfaction. And that women don't necessarily get with other women for the sex but that it's more about the emotional connection.

Kirsten- that's a very interesting article.

On the one had it shows that study results say that female bisexuality is far less common than male bisexuality. But then it goes on to prove the myth that women are more sexually fluid.

It's strange, because in re to my own bisexuality, I'm all for casual, no strings sex--with men, and have had more than one available male FWB on my roster at times. But the idea of having casual, NSA sex with multiple female partners (at the same time or separately)? Does not appeal to me at all.

Hmmm..that's interesting. Although I can't totally claim bisexuality at this point, but more closer to that than I was say a few years ago, I think I would be the same with both men and women.

Since my 30's I haven't really bothered with having sex with someone that I don't feel I have a future with. And I'm pretty sure I'd be the same with a woman.

However, in the past there have been those few occasions in which I slept with someone just for fun and it was, umm... FUN! So I could easily see having a one night stand or quick fling with a woman if the perfect scenario were there and it would just happen. The same thing that I would still do with a man.

But I don't feel different between men and women on that level of fidelity or NSA sex.

Just to be clear though, I'm happily married so those are just would be scenarios if I were free.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the plug. I appreciate it. :)

Leigh Ellwood